Using Mediation To Resolve a High-Conflict Divorce
One of the main reasons divorcing couples choose the mediation route is to preserve family relationships. Mediation also helps couples who wish to keep costs down during divorce, maintain privacy, and those wanting to customize their divorce agreements. During mediation, couples work with a qualified neutral third party, a mediator, to negotiate issues such as child support, timesharing, alimony, and distribution of assets instead of leaving such significant decisions to the judge’s discretion.
As a couple, you may be mired by high conflict and are tempted to battle it out in court since you and your partner do not see eye to eye. While this is possible, have you considered mediation? If you are involved in a high-conflict divorce, litigation might intensify the conflict and lead to unsatisfactory results. In such a case, it may be worth considering a cooperative process like mediation rather than a combative one. This article explores how you can use mediation to resolve your high-conflict divorce.
What Is a High-Conflict Divorce?
In almost all divorce cases, there is some level of disagreement. However, in a high-conflict divorce, significant disagreements and high tensions prevent the couple from resolving the issues amicably. A high-conflict divorce may include the following elements:
- Undermining behavior
- Unwillingness to compromise or negotiate
- Manipulation
- Inability to communicate without arguing
- Extreme emotions
Tips for Mediating a High-Conflict Divorce
Below are some strategies you can use when mediating a high-conflict divorce:
- Have Pre-Mediation Counseling
First, it is advisable to work with a pre-mediation consulting lawyer who can prepare you for the process, including how to advocate for yourself to reach a resolution. They will also educate you on what the law says and how it applies to your case, as all agreements must be governed by the law to become enforceable once you present them to court for approval.
- Make Use of a Highly Structured Mediation Model
While several mediation models are available, it is essential to find the right one to ensure success. A highly structured one may help you in your high-conflict case. This involves pre-mediation coaching, caucus before and during mediation, and a methodology to encourage clear communication and resolution. When choosing the right mediator for your high-conflict divorce, assess their skill level. Also, ask how they intend to structure and run the mediation. Here, you’ll be looking for a mediator highly skilled in managing high-conflict divorces.
- Focus On Facts Instead of Feelings
Instead of relying on feelings, your opinions, or the opinions of those you have discussed your issue with, it is best to focus on the facts of the case. In the same way a family court would focus on the facts, so should you even in mediation.
- Have Separate Sessions With Your Mediator
In high-conflict divorces, it is not uncommon for emotions to take over. When this happens, a caucus (a separate session with your mediator) can be a helpful way to blow off steam and keep the discussions progressing, leading to a positive outcome.
- Avoid Discussing the Mediation or Issues Between Sessions
Finally, agree with your spouse that you’ll not discuss the issues in your divorce between sessions. You may even consider driving separately to minimize the urge to discuss an unfinished issue. If you need support communicating outside of mediation, consider using neutral parties to avoid derailing the process.
A Lakeland Mediation Attorney Can Help
Our experienced Lakeland mediation attorney at Darla K. Snead, P.L., can help you understand your options and resolve your matter effectively.
